


Surrender

by K (Thiswasmydesign)



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Gen, I think i'm getting more used to writing it though, L thinks a lot, M/M, broken kira, broken l, broken light, for whom the bell tolls, rooftops in the rain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 09:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13384818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thiswasmydesign/pseuds/K
Summary: L had been hearing the bells all day. They hadn’t stopped since he finally knew. For once, he had wanted to doubt the math.It was his turn to lose.





	1. The Last Name

**Author's Note:**

> This work is not a part of the series previously posted. Instead, this is what happens when the heavy rainfall on the roof breaks into my dreams, wakes me, and I decide to write down the dream before I forget - with a little re-formatting, of course, so that it makes sense for a reader.
> 
> I claim no ownership over Death Note, or a Death Note.

L had been hearing the bells all day. They hadn’t stopped since he finally knew.

For once, he had wanted to doubt the math. His calculations were perfect – always. But no matter how many times he thought this through, he could see no other way.

No way to run and hide. No way to escape it.

Checkmate.

He could only hope that, with him dead, his successors would be able to finish his game.

The bells rang on, a metronome in his mind, ticking away the moments.

L had always liked the rain.

It was almost peaceful, stood there in the cold downpour.

He remembered another day, the bells sounding and cold fell from the sky, but it was snow now, not rain. The flakes drifted gently to the ground, melting as they landed in his hair, in his eyelashes. A child, brought to Wammy’s house, following the death of parents he could barely remember.

A beginning.

He would have preferred if it were snowing today. The world rarely was so neat, the circles rarely so perfect.

But the rain was calming, silencing the noises of the busy city. He could almost imagine he was alone in the world, on this rooftop.

The bells continued to tick away the moments, and the rain would continue to fall no matter how long he stood out in its path.

He felt years older than he had ever felt before. It made a strange sort of sense – to feel so old, so tired, when he was as old as he would ever be. The rain soaked through his clothing, flattened his hair, and no doubt made him look much older for it too, especially as he stood quietly and let the water and time wash over him like a wave.

And then there he was, Light Yagami – Kira. It seemed his time had come.

There was no urgency in his metronome, no quickening of the bell, no racing of his heart. There was a peace in this, in knowing exactly how this would happen, and why. There was acceptance. Surrender.

Still… just a few moments more.

“Oh, I’m not doing anything in particular, it’s just, I hear the bell,” he spoke softly, forcing Light to come closer. To step out into the rain and let the inevitability of it surround him, too.

“The bell?”

“Yes. The sound of the bell has been unusually loud today.”

“Huh?” Light looked around. “I don’t hear anything.”

“Really? You can’t hear it? It’s been ringing none stop all day. I find it very distracting. I wonder if it’s a church. Maybe a wedding, or perhaps a…”

A funeral. His, if L’s calculations were correct, it would only be a matter of time. He looked at Light, measuring the reactions to his words but not trying to adjust his calculations. It was unfair, really, how even in the pouring rain with his clothes rapidly soaking through, Light Yagami still held himself with perfect grace and poise, still looked _perfect_.

The mask that was Light Yagami would remain, unwavering to the end.

“What are you getting at Ryuzaki? Come on, cut it out, let’s get back inside.”

The rain soothed, the cold whispering to him, holding him in its embrace. Allowing him to feel safe, just for a short time more.

“I’m sorry. Nothing I say makes any sense anyway. If I were you I wouldn’t believe any of it.”

For a second, L hoped… knowing, certain, that it was pointless, that Light would surprise him. Would do something unexpected, would defy his calculations and do something so foolish, like gloating at his words. The bell tolled, the second passed, and L was awash with acceptance again.

“You know, you’re totally right. Honestly, most of the things you say sound like complete nonsense. There’d be no end to my troubles if I actually took you seriously all the time. I probably know that better than anyone.”

_I know you better than anyone._

“Yes, I would say that’s a fair assessment. But… I could say the same about you.”

_I know you too, Light Yagami. Kira._

“Tell me Light, from the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you’ve actually told the truth?”

_Would you deny me that truth now, when my defeat is inevitable? I stand on the boundary between life and death, and I will cross it today, if only I can know for sure…_

“Where’s this coming from Ryuzaki? I do admit, I stretch the truth here and there, however, find me one person in this world who has never had to tell a lie and it wouldn’t be easy. Human beings just aren’t made to be perfect like that. Everybody lies from time to time. Even so, I have always made a conscious effort not to tell a lie that could hurt others. That’s my answer.”

“I had a feeling you’d say something like that.”

The rain continued to fall, the world continued to turn, and time was washed away with the water.

“Let’s go inside. We’re both drenched.”

 

* * *

 

  

“Well, that was certainly an unpleasant outing.”

The cold continued to blanket him, an embrace that was becoming increasingly welcome as the bells continued to sound in the silence of the tower. The sound of the rain was faint now, its presence echoing on the windows.

“It’s your own fault. I mean, what did you expect?”

 _You’re right,_ L mused silently. _If only we had played different moves, taken different turns along the way…_

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

L removed the towel from his head and moved crouch at Light’s feet.

“What are you doing?”

_Stopping fighting._

“I thought I might help you out. You were busy wiping yourself off anyway.”                     

 _You have won, Kira,_ L held his gaze. _You have bested me, the only one who ever could. The only one who has ever been my equal…_

“Look, it’s fine, you don’t have to do that.”

 _Let me,_ L silently pleaded. _Let you give me this. My surrender. My Kira._

“I can give you a massage as well, it’s the least I can do to atone for my sins. I’m actually pretty good at this.”

L could see the considerations as Light thought about this; considered what he had to lose or gain from such a gesture. In the end L didn’t doubt that Kira would allow him to continue, would delight in having L at his feet like a servant.

“Fine, do what you want.”

 _I want to live,_ L mused. _And yet I think I want to lose to you, Light Yagami. It has to be you, there will never be anyone else._

“Alright.”

L began to dry and sooth Light’s feet, warming them as best he could between his hands. Without really considering what he was doing, he pressed roughly against the sole of the foot, testing whether the rigid arch would bend.

“Hey!”

“You’ll get used to it.”

_You will learn to mask the pain. You always do, my Kira._

“Here, you’re still soaked,” Light’s towel dabbed at L’s hair, the gesture gentle and kind, not at all what he would expect from Kira.

_Exactly what he would expect from Light Yagami._

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t want to be dry. He welcomed the cold, after all, what did it matter now anyway?

“It’ll be lonely, wont it?”

_Will you miss me, Light? Will you forgive me for leaving you?_

“You and I will be parting ways soon.”

_I will make it easy for you – I will give you no choice._

The phone rang.

It was far too soon, and not at all soon enough.

The bells were deafening.

“Yes?”

_It’s time._

“I understand. I’m on my way.”

L stood, hands returning to his pockets.

“Come on, let’s go Light. It seems like it’s all worked out.”

 

* * *

 

  

The bells counted down to L’s unavoidable defeat, but Light had not moved from the steps.

“Light?” L prompted softly, offering a hand to lift him to his feet.

The time had come. The bell echoed in the room, one ring running into another until it was just noise, calling him home.

“Are you coming?”

_Are you ready?_

Light looked up at him, his gaze softer than L had ever seen it. “No. I don’t think I am.”

 _What?_ L shifted his feet, regarding the younger man curiously. _Could Light not feel it? Could he really not realise… the bell was sounding…_

All he had to do was move and he would have his victory over L. L was practically handing it to him on a silver platter. And yet, Light did not move from where he sat at L’s feet, a strange mimicry of their previous arrangement.

“Ryuzaki?” Light spoke softly, slowly getting to his feet without taking his hand. He moved away, just a few steps, but far enough that L could almost not hear him when he spoke next.

“I can’t…” he almost whispered. “Ryuzaki… I remember.”

L stared, unable to react, unable to breathe. _What was he doing?_

No. This was _wrong._ L had lost! His Kira had defeated him, his death inevitable, there had been no other way…

There still was no other way.

The bell still tolled, its metronome counting.

There was no path in which they could both survive this day.

_If Light was telling him this, there was a trap that he hadn’t predicted… and he had wanted so desperately to at least die on his own terms. A small victory, in the grasp of the jaws of defeat._

L hated that he didn’t know what Light planned to gain from this. He hated that he had been able to surprise him, even now.

He could, of course, challenge him at his own game.

“Not Ryuzaki,” he offered softly. “L.”

“L,” Light looked round at him, his expression fixed into a mask, emotionless.

“L Lawliet,” L nodded.

_Stillness. Silence… except for the bell. It would stay with him to the very end, wouldn’t it?_

A click – two – three – four, all in the second between one bell and the next. His Kira’s gaze didn’t leave his own, but the watch opened regardless, a small part of the Death Note concealed inside.

 _So this was how he was going to do it,_ L mused. _This is how he was going to kill me, in the end. This is how he will kill me now._

Now that he thought about it, he would never have had it any other way. L would die, alone except for Light Yagami.

He had always been alone… except with Light Yagami. With his Kira.

It was only fitting.

A pen scratched lines into the page.

“L, L, A, W, L, I, E, T,” L spelled out softly as Light wrote, their gaze never breaking.

The bell tolled.

1… 2… 3… 4…

The watch clicked shut, the pen pocketed.

5… 6… 7… 8… 9…

Light moved first. L remained still. No matter what Light did now, it didn’t matter. It was astonishing, really, how long forty seconds truly was – when it was the last 40 seconds of your life.

10… 11… 12… 13…

L couldn’t stand the stillness any more. His hand reached out, palm up. An offering.

14… 15…

Light took the upturned hand, finally parting their gaze to look down at their entwined fingers.

16… 17… 18…

“Why would you do that?” he asked softly. “Give me your name, after all this?”

 _Of course his Kira would not doubt,_ L smiled very slightly. _He wove truth and lies like a master. Of course he would see the truth when it was offered so freely._

19… 20…

“It had to be this way, didn’t it?” L mused. “One of us was always going to die, in the end.”

21… 22… 23… 24… 25…

“Yes,” Light nodded. “I see that now.”

_Why would he ever have doubted it?_

26… 27… 28… 29… 30… 31…

“Goodbye, L Lawliet.”

32… 33… 34…

L’s eyes widened as Light’s lips caught his own. He was frozen, unmoving, stunned.

35… 36…

He kissed him back.

_My Kira._

37…

38…

39…


	2. Victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 37...  
> 38...  
> 39...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't all kill me for this - even if you have a Note.

For several moments after Light’s memories of Kira and the notebook returned, he was filled with the realisation that he had been victorious.

 _I’ve won. Exactly as planned._ Light grinned darkly.

…So why did it feel so empty?

How could he have been so wrong?

When he had planned all of this, he had been so certain of his victory. And yet he had been wrong.

He had lost.

For the first time, there was something that had not been counted into Kira’s calculations.

Six months of confinement, so close to L, who Light admired so greatly. Six months of working together, living side by side, had ensured that even Light, who had never been an emotive person – who had never cared for anyone – would have no choice but to let go of his pride.

Kira didn’t let anyone get close to him. No, that wasn’t right – Light didn’t let anyone get close to him. People were figures on a chess board, and Light was the best at playing them like pawns. The unintelligent, unimpressive people he knew from his school had never even felt like the same species, never mind his peers.

L was different. L challenged him, he never backed down, and he was perhaps the first person Light would ever have considered his equal.

Six months since L had released him from the prison cell, and L had done something that no other had ever managed – he had made Light like him.

Light considered his plan carefully, weighing his options.

If Kira didn’t kill L, he would lose. He would lose, and he would be executed. However, if Kira did kill L…

Either way, Light Yagami would die. The only question was whether Kira would live on in his place.

 

* * *

 

“Misa,” Light and his supposed girlfriend were forced to meet in the entrance of the taskforce headquarters. L must suspect Misa of having the Shinigami eyes, since he refused her access to the building now. Light took her arm, deciding to take L’s offer that he was permitted to leave to take her away from headquarters where they would be able to talk in peace. “Would you like to show me your new flat?”

Misa threw her arms around his neck in her over-enthusiastic way. Light allowed her, intending to arouse no suspicion from the detective watching through the cameras.

“Oh, Light, finally we can be alone together!” she gushed, looking like all her Christmases had come at once. “Of course you can see my home! You can even stay the night, if you want.”

Misa grabbed his hand, her grip as strong as a vice as she pulled him through the streets of the city. Anyone who got in her way was swiftly knocked aside as Misa dragged him back to her nearby home.

“Ryuk,” Light greeted, offering an apple from his bag to the Shinigami as soon as they were out of the public eye. “I hope all of this has proved interesting?”

“Oh it has,” the Shinigami grinned. “I’m just curious what you intend to do next.”

Light sighed heavily, sitting on the bed and hanging his head, doing his very best impression of a kicked puppy for Misa’s sake.

“Actually,” Light admitted. “That’s why I asked to come back here, Misa.”

“Oh? Why, what’s wrong? Why are you upset? Is it Ryuzaki? I’m going to kill him for you, I promise, I just need to see him…”

“No, Misa,” Light sighed again. “I can’t let you do that. He’s got it all set up, it’s a trap. If you see him, you will die.”

“What?” Misa’s eyes widened. “No… no, that can’t be right, he can’t do that.”

“Look, Misa, I can’t explain, but you have to trust me,” Light pleaded. “I can’t let you get hurt, Misa, you know I wouldn’t ever want to see you hurt. I love you…”

“Oh, Light, I don’t think you’ve ever said that to me before!”

Light caught her hands before she could throw them round his neck again.

“Misa, this is serious!” he scolded. “I love you, Misa, so I’ve been thinking, and it’s the only way…”

“Yes, Light, anything,” Misa pleaded.

“You have to give up the Death Note. You have to give it to me – not just the book. You have to give up ownership of it, too.”

“What?” Misa squeaked. “But I only just got it back… and the eyes! Light, if I give you the book I will lose the eyes…”

“I’m sorry,” Light allowed himself to look guilty. “I’m so sorry, Misa, if there was another way… But I can’t see any other way. Misa, you won’t forget me, and our love will still be real with or without the Note – it’s the only way I can save you! Please…”

“…Alright, Light,” tears glinted in Misa’s eyes. “If you really think I should…”

* * *

 

“Rem,” Light murmured to the Shinigami later, wary of the constant surveillance of both audio and visual in the tower. It had been hours before he could finally get to her alone, and ensure that L did not have hold of the other notebook at the same time. “I made a mistake. I asked Misa to use the notebook, and now L suspects her. But it will be okay, I promise. I have a new plan.”

“Explain quickly, Light Yagami,” Rem warned.

“I have asked Misa to give me ownership of Ryuk’s note book again. She has no memory of being Kira. No matter how much L searches her and her home, he will not find it. No matter what happens now, Misa will be safe. Except, the original notebook contains her handwriting. I can remove the pages from this one, in case L gets hold of it somehow, but he has already seen the first notebook, and so that wouldn’t work – he would know I’d tampered with it,” Light put on his most convincing look. “Rem, if I give the notebook back to you and give up ownership of it, will you take it back to the Shinigami world so that Misa can be safe?”

“Yes, Light Yagami,” Rem agreed. “That much I can do for her.”

“Then please, take the notebook. I give you ownership of it.”

When the notebook was not in L’s possession it was kept in a solid safe in the wall, but that was not a limitation for a Shinigami. Rem reached in with a not-solid arm and unlocked the door, removing the book and leaving with a final, respecting nod to Light.

* * *

 

_My Kira._

37…

38…

39…

L drew away at the very last moment to look into the eyes of Light Yagami, feeling the proximity of a presence that shifted in the shadows with the God of Death who was watching them even now. The kiss was too much… too sweet, even for L who had never before realised the meaning of those words.

If he had known when he started this investigation that it would end this way, L wondered what he would have done differently.

A part of him thought that he wouldn’t have changed a thing. Wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Still, he thought, that part of him that would have kept it all the same was far crueller than his Kira had ever been.

Would he really have played such a game whilst so many fell dead? Would he really have wanted to make so many missteps and mistakes, let Kira get so many victories, both small and large, through their battles?

Would L have chained Light Yagami to him, the proximity forcing a bond that would never break once formed, the sort of connection that usually occurred once in a lifetime at the very most, to the very fortunate indeed?

Would L have given him his name, if he hadn’t felt like this for his Kira?

L could admit it to himself, although he would never voice it. He was in love with his Kira.

Perhaps that is why this was so painful for him. His heart ached, a dull pain that radiated throughout his body, reaching the tips of every limb and bouncing back, doubling and redoubling until it was almost unbearable.

L ignored the pain, rationalised it away. It was possible to get used to anything, in time. Pain was weakness, it only slowed him down.

He looked into the gaze of the man he had been kissing less than a second ago, his Kira, and the pain faded away.

Because this man was not Kira. He was Light Yagami.

Six months of enforced proximity was all it had taken to bend and break the once untouchable, proud creature that Light had once been. Without his memories, Light had fallen, and even with them back, the trap would not open its jaws.

L had won.

He took his last breath, and the bells fell silent.

L caught the body of his rival, his friend… yes, his love, and lowered him gently to the ground.

40…

“Goodbye, Light Yagami.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah. Conscious dreaming, it's a skill i'd recommend all of you to practice. It can help work through complex problems while you sleep, or like in this case, spawn sudden creative outbursts that write themselves onto the page without real thought.  
> Thank you all for reading.


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